Morning came softly to Woofington.
The sun rose over the hills, filling the grass with warm golden light.
Flowers opened.
Birds chirped.
A gentle breeze moved through the trees.
One by one, the Wiggle Woofs began to wake up.
Bumbles stretched.
Bella yawned so wide she almost tipped over.Penny rolled out of bed with a tiny—
PLOP.
Tigger stretched long and slow.
Reese was already wide awake.
Midnight was not.
Midnight was curled into a little black ball, sound asleep.
Zeus looked around at the beautiful Woofington morning.
“What shall we do today?”
Reese’s ears shot up.
“I know!”
Everyone looked at her.
Reese jumped to her feet.
“Let’s do cat stuff!”
Bella bounced.
“CAT STUFF!”
Penny joined her.
“CAT STUFF!”
Bumbles smiled.
Zeus tilted his head.
“What exactly is cat stuff?”
Reese looked at Tigger.
Tigger looked at Reese.
They smiled.
“You’ll see.”
Reese led everyone inside.
“The first thing you need to understand about cats…”
She hopped into a basket.
“…is that we can sleep anywhere.”
Tigger jumped onto the back of a chair.
He turned around once.
Twice.
Three times.
Then curled into a ball.
Bella looked confused.
“But there are beds.”
Reese looked at her from inside the basket.
“Yes.”
Bella waited.
“So why don’t you sleep in the beds?”
Reese blinked.
“Because there are baskets.”
Tigger nodded.
“Obviously.”
The puppies looked around.
Bella climbed into a box.
Bumbles crawled underneath a table.
Zeus inspected several locations before selecting one that appeared sufficiently sturdy.
Penny found one of the Caretaker’s shoes.
She stuck her head inside.
Then her shoulders.
Then her belly.
Her back legs remained outside.
She wiggled.
And wiggled.
And—
POP!
Penny disappeared into the shoe.
Only her little tail remained sticking out.
Reese nodded approvingly.
“Very cat.”
Then Bella noticed Midnight.
Nobody remembered Midnight moving.
Yet somehow Midnight was now asleep on a folded blanket beside the window.
Bella pointed.
“Midnight is REALLY good at cat stuff.”
Bella gently poked her.
Midnight opened one eye.
“I’m doing really important stuff here.”
Her eye closed.
Tigger nodded.
“Advanced sleeping.”
Outside, Reese walked over to a scratching post.
“Next…”
She stretched her front paws high above her head.
“…scratching.”
SCRATCH.
SCRATCH.
SCRATCH.
Tigger stepped beside her.
He stretched.
SCRAAAAATCH.
Reese turned toward the puppies.
“Okay. Your turn.”
The puppies looked at one another.
Bella’s ears perked up.
Penny grinned.
Bumbles crouched.
Zeus examined the ground.
Then—
DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG!
Dirt flew everywhere.
Bella dug with both front paws as fast as she could.
Bumbles began excavating an impressive trench.
Zeus paused just long enough to calculate the most efficient digging angle.
Then—
DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG!
Penny disappeared.
Reese’s eyes widened.
“No, no, no, no, NO!”
The digging stopped.
Bella’s head popped up from inside a hole.
“What?”
Reese pointed toward the scratching post.
“Scratch.”
Then she pointed toward the lawn.
Woofington now looked as though someone had begun construction on a tiny subway system.
“That…”
Reese said,
“…is digging.”
Penny’s head suddenly appeared from one of the holes.
“Oh.”
Tigger surveyed the excavation.
“That is extremely dog.”
Bumbles looked proud.
“Thank you.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
Bumbles’ smile disappeared.
“Oh.”
Reese returned to the scratching post.
“You stretch…”
She stretched.
“…put your paws here…”
She placed them against the post.
“…and scratch.”
SCRATCH. SCRATCH. SCRATCH.
The puppies nodded.
Now they understood.
Reese turned away.
Behind her came a tiny sound.
dig dig dig
Reese stopped.
She slowly turned around.
Penny froze.
One paw was halfway into the dirt.
Reese stared at her.
Penny slowly pulled her paw out.
“Habit.”
Tigger shook his head.
“Definitely not part cat.”
Reese placed a little toy on the floor.
She sat beside it.
Stared.
Raised one paw.
And—
SMACK!
The toy shot across the room.
Bella’s eyes lit up.
“Ooooooh.”
Tigger found a ball.
He watched it.
Waited.
Then—
SMACK!
Penny found a feather.
SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!
The feather flew into the air.
Penny chased it.
Smacked it again.
Chased it again.
Bumbles gently tapped a toy.
tap.
Reese shook her head.
“No.”
Bumbles tried again.
tap.
“No.”
Bumbles raised his paw.
SMACK!
The toy shot across the floor.
Reese nodded.
“Better.”
Bella found a ball.
She pulled her paw back.
Zeus looked worried.
“Bella…”
WHACK!
The ball shot across the room.
BOING!
It bounced off the wall.
Came straight back.
BONK!
Bella blinked.
Then smiled.
“I like cat stuff.”
Zeus raised a paw.
“I have a question.”
Reese sighed.
“Of course you do.”
“What is the purpose of smacking things?”
Reese stared at him.
Then slowly smiled.
“The purpose?”
Tigger sat a little straighter.
Reese lowered her voice.
“This is super predator mode.”
The puppies leaned closer.
Reese placed one paw on the toy.
“Cats don’t just smack things because we can.”
Tigger casually smacked a nearby ball.
SMACK.
Reese glanced at him.
“Well…”
She looked back at Zeus.
“…not only because we can.”
Tigger smiled.
Reese crouched.
“This is training.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“You watch.”
Her tail twitched.
“You wait.”
She raised one paw.
“And when your prey gets close enough…”
SMACK!
The toy shot across the room.
Reese sprang after it.
“YOU STRIKE!”
Bella gasped.
Penny’s eyes widened.
Zeus nodded.
“So it is practice for hunting.”
“Exactly.”
Reese slowly began circling Zeus.
“If you were a gazelle…”
Zeus blinked.
“A gazelle?”
Reese crouched lower.
“…you’d already be in my mouth…”
Her back end began to move.
wiggle wiggle wiggle
“…while I carried you back to my den…”
Reese puffed out her tiny chest.
“…like the proud lioness I am.”
Zeus looked down at her.
There was a pause.
Reese was a very small cat.
Tigger nodded solemnly.
“Terrifying.”
Reese smiled.
“Thank you.”
Zeus looked at the toy.
Then at Reese.
“So the smacking leads into the attack.”
Reese’s eyes lit up.
“Exactly!”
She crouched.
“Which means you’re ready for the next lesson.”
THE KITTY-CAT ATTACK-MODE BUTT WIGGLE
Reese lowered herself toward the floor.
Her shoulders dropped.
Her eyes narrowed.
Her back end began to move.
wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle
Bella stared.
“What are you doing?”
Reese whispered:
“The Kitty-Cat Attack-Mode Butt Wiggle.”
Tigger crouched beside her.
wiggle wiggle wiggle
Reese nodded.
“Excellent form.”
Bella tried.
Her front legs shook.
Her back legs shook.
Her ears shook.
Her tail shook.
Her entire body vibrated.
Reese frowned.
“Just your butt.”
“I AM!”
“No. You’re having an earthquake.”
Penny crouched.
wiggle wiggle wiggle WIGGLE WIGGLE—
PLOP.
She tipped over.
Reese looked down at her.
“If you’re not a part cat…”
Tigger continued:
“…or a cat…”
They both looked at Penny.
Reese finished:
“…you may fall flat.”
Penny looked up.
“I noticed.”
Then Bumbles tried.
One cautious wiggle.
Then another.
Then another.
His tail started wagging.
Bumbles smiled.
Then he noticed everyone watching.
He stopped immediately.
“I don’t like this.”
Reese smiled.
“You were smiling.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
Reese pointed at his tail.
It was still wagging.
Bumbles looked back at it.
“Traitor.”
Reese suddenly became very serious.
She looked at Tigger.
Tigger looked at Reese.
They both knew.
It was time.
Reese turned toward the puppies.
“You’re ready.”
Zeus blinked.
“For what?”
Reese lowered her voice.
“For the culmination of catness.”
Bella gasped.
Penny stood taller.
Bumbles leaned closer.
Reese continued.
“The highest expression of feline instinct.”
Tigger stepped beside her.
“The ancient practice.”
Reese lowered her voice even further.
“The sacred…”
She paused.
“…displacement…”
Another pause.
“…of misplaced things.”
Everyone waited.
Bella whispered:
“What does that mean?”
Reese smiled.
“Knocking things off counters.”
The group entered the Caretaker’s kitchen.
Morning sunlight streamed through the windows.
On the kitchen counter sat a perfectly innocent collection of objects.
A wooden spoon.
A measuring cup.
A salt shaker.
Napkins.
A little bowl.
A cup.
And several other things that had absolutely no idea what was about to happen.
Reese jumped onto a chair.
Then—
BOING!
—onto the counter.
Tigger jumped up beside her.
The puppies stared upward.
Bella crouched.
Jumped.
Her paws hit the cabinet.
She slid back down.
Penny tried.
She barely left the floor.
Bumbles tried.
Nope.
Zeus studied the height.“This presents a logistical problem.”
Reese looked down.
“Oh.”
A few moments later, the puppies returned carrying a tiny wooden ladder.
They leaned it against the kitchen counter.
Penny climbed first.
Bella immediately started climbing behind her.
“STOP PUSHING MY BUTT!”
“I’M NOT!”
“YES YOU ARE!”
Bumbles steadied the ladder.
Zeus supervised.
Eventually all four puppies reached the counter.
They stood proudly beside Reese and Tigger.
Reese slowly approached the wooden spoon.
“This is very important.”
Everyone became quiet.
“This is where we carefully evaluate all items.”
Zeus leaned closer.
Reese walked around the spoon.
She sniffed it.
Looked underneath it.
Inspected it from both sides.
“You must ask yourself…”
She raised one paw.“
…does this item truly belong in this particular spot?”
tik.
The spoon moved.
“Or…”
tik.
Closer to the edge.
“…was it actually intended…”
tik.
Closer.
“…to be somewhere else?”
One final tap.
CLATTER!
The spoon hit the kitchen floor.
Reese looked down.
Then back at everyone.
“Like the floor.”
Bella gasped.
Penny whispered:
“That’s amazing.”
Tigger nodded solemnly.
“Correct placement.”
Now everyone wanted a turn.
Tigger inspected a napkin.
Sniff.
Look underneath.
Consider.
tap.
Floor.
Reese evaluated the measuring cup.
tap.
Floor.
Bella found a plastic cup.
She studied it.
Then looked at Reese.
Reese nodded.
Bella raised one paw.
PLOP.
Floor.
Bella smiled.
“Correct placement.”
“Very good.”
Zeus approached the salt shaker.
He inspected it carefully.
“Well, technically, this object appears to have been deliberately placed in its current location, therefore—”
tap.
Reese knocked it off.
THUNK.
Zeus looked down.
Reese looked at him.
“Reevaluate.”
Zeus stared at the salt shaker.
“…Floor.”
Reese smiled.
“He’s learning.”
Then Tigger froze.
His ears pointed forward.
His pupils widened.
His entire body lowered.
Reese noticed.
She followed his stare.
At the far end of the counter sat—
The treat jar.
Tigger whispered:
“Gazelle in sight.”
The puppies looked at one another.
Bella blinked.
Penny whispered:
“Where?”
Zeus looked around the kitchen.
“I do not see a gazelle.”
Reese crouched beside Tigger.
“Shhh.”
The puppies stared.
Tigger’s tail twitched.
Reese’s tail twitched.
Their back ends began to wiggle.
Bella slowly crouched.
Penny crouched beside her.
Bumbles reluctantly lowered himself.
Zeus remained standing.
“Why are we crouching?”
Bumbles whispered:
“I don’t know.”
Zeus slowly crouched too.
Reese never took her eyes off the treat jar.
“On three.”
Tigger nodded.
The puppies stared nervously at the completely motionless jar.
Reese whispered:
“One…”
Everyone tensed.
“Two…”
Tigger’s butt wiggled faster.
Bella’s started wiggling too.
Zeus whispered:
“What happens on three?”
“THREE!”
Reese and Tigger launched themselves.
POUNCE!
They hit the treat jar together.
The jar wobbled.
Everyone froze.
It rocked one way.
Then the other.
Bumbles gasped.
“Uh-oh.”
The jar tipped toward Reese.
Reese jumped backward.
“IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US!”
Tigger smacked it.
THWAP!
The jar spun.
Zeus stared.
“It is not—”
“DEFEND YOURSELVES!” Reese yelled.
Tigger smacked it again.
SMACK!
The jar slid toward the edge.
Bumbles’ eyes widened.
“STOP DEFENDING YOURSELVES!”
Too late.
Reese and Tigger pounced together.
WHAM!
The treat jar flew off the counter.
Everyone watched.
CRASH!
Treats scattered across the kitchen floor.
Silence.
Everyone slowly turned toward Reese and Tigger.
Reese looked at Tigger.
Tigger looked at Reese.
Then Reese looked at Bumbles.
“It attacked us.”
Zeus stared.
“The jar?”
Reese nodded.
“Very aggressive.”
Tigger nodded solemnly.
“Cornered us.”
Zeus looked across the enormous kitchen counter.
“You had approximately twelve feet in the other direction.”
Reese looked down at the treats.
“Sometimes…”
She started down the puppy ladder.
“…a predator has to stand her ground.”
Tigger jumped to the floor.
Bumbles stared.
“You attacked it.”
Reese picked up a treat.
“History will remember this differently.”
Bella dove into the pile.
Penny followed.
Zeus hesitated.
He looked at the treat jar.
Then at Reese.
Then at the treats.
Finally he sighed.
“Self-defense?”
Reese handed him one.
“Self-defense.”
Zeus ate it.
From somewhere nearby came a tired voice.
“Could you keep it down?”
Everyone stopped.
Midnight was curled up asleep in a basket.
Bella stared.
“When did she get in there?”
Nobody knew.
Midnight cracked one eye.
“I’m doing really important stuff here.”
Her eye closed.
Everyone stared.
Then Bella grabbed another treat.
Reese looked around at the scattered treats.
Then back at the puppies.
“And that…”
She popped a treat into her mouth.
“…is super predator mode.”
Underneath the Caretaker’s kitchen table, Penny found one last treat.
She examined it carefully.
Looked at the treat.
Looked at the floor.
Then decided it had obviously been misplaced.
And put it in her mouth.
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